What Would Jesus Do in an Unhappy Marriage?
It breaks my heart when I see some of the queries people use to reach my blog or website. The other day, someone found my blog using the query wwjd unhappy marriage. I know nothing of the person who typed this query, but in my mind I see a young mother sitting at the computer with a baby in her lap. Her husband is at work now, but last night he said something that upset her. She fired something back at him and he just laughed. So, today, she’s sitting there with her baby sucking on a bottle and she types wwjd unhappy marriage into a search engine. I hurt for her. Or maybe it’s a him. Either way, I feel for this person and I wonder if he found a good answer. I’m not sure that my blog provided the best answer, but shouldn’t a Christian author be able to answer the question, what would Jesus do in an unhappy marriage?
If we look at what Jesus said, we see in Matthew 19:6 that he said concerning a husband and wife, “Therefore they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Then in verse 9 he says, “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery; and whoso marrieth her who is put away doth commit adultery.” It is hard for some people to accept, but if an unhappy marriage is the only problem, Jesus would be against divorce. Find a way to love each other and work through the problems.
Of course, you could be thinking, Jesus was single when he said that. What would he do if he were married? For that answer, we go to the Old Testament. The Book of Hosea contains the story upon which I based For the Love of a Devil. Hosea, through his own marriage, paints a picture of God’s “marriage” to Israel. This marriage is as far from a happy marriage as you can get, but it is the most beautiful love story in the Bible. God sends Hosea to marry a woman that he knows is trouble. Hosea finds Gomer and she seems content to stay with him for a while. She has three kids, but it isn’t real clear how many were Hosea’s. In any case, Hosea named them all, as if they were his own. Gomer left Hosea to be with other men. She thought they could give her more than Hosea could, but Hosea kept his eye on her and looked after her. It appears that Hosea may have given some of these men money and other things so they could take care of Gomer. But he withdrew his support for a while, so that the men left her. Perhaps for someone younger and prettier, and with more money. Without their support, Gomer fell into slavery. And then the Bible tells us that God told Hosea, to go love her. Hosea goes to the slave market. He buys his wife back. That is what Jesus would do and has done in an unhappy marriage.
Comments
Jesus would love no matter what!
Sincerely,
A Healer of Souls
The ideal situation for a couple is a husband who loves his wife and a wife who respects her husband. But the kind of love the Bible is talking about isn’t the same kind of love that most people think of today. Husbands are supposed to love their wives to the point that they would be willing to die if it would save their wives. The Bible also tells us that God wants both people to be believers. That isn’t to say that a couple should get divorced if they are in that situation, but a believer should never marry an unbeliever. In the ideal situation, sex is reserved for a husband and a wife. You also mentioned alcohol. The Bible has a lot to say about the problems alcohol can cause. If you are already arguing, alcohol will only make it worse.
You say that you feel he would love you more if you had money. While the lack of money provides a convenient starting place for an argument, if it takes money for a man to love you then it isn’t really love. There are couples throughout the world who don’t have two dimes to rub together, but they love each other. On the other hand, I saw something the other day about a guy who was taking his friend to court; even though a business venture they were involved in had made them both multi-millionaires, this guy thought he should have gotten more money.
I don’t know the best way for you to handle your situation, but God does. The very best advice that I can offer is for you to spend a few hours in prayer asking God to show you how to correct the problems you are facing and then open your Bible and look for the answers there.
It is not my place to tell you what you should do concerning your marriage. I will say this, however: Even though the only “out” that Jesus gave was the situation in which fornication (sexual immorality) is involved, I don’t believe he would want us to continue in an unsafe situation. If drugs and alcohol are putting you and the kids in an unsafe situation, you need to find a way to separate yourself from the danger. If your husband is doing things like you describe, he ought to be in prison, not in the family home.
Separating yourself may or may not involve divorce. The ideal situation would be that after a period of separation, your husband would repent, accept Jesus as his savior and return to be a productive member of the family. In looking at the story of Hosea, that is what we see happened with Gomer. Hosea let her go for a time. It was only when she was broken and could see how far her sin had taken her that he was able to take her back.
If your husband is involved in illegal activity that is endangering you and your children, you need to report it to the authorities. It is better that it come from you than from someone else. If your children’s teachers or social workers that work with your children notice evidence of abuse, they are obligated to report it to the authorities.