Informal Speech

Here's a tip. Have a passage that sounds corny because it is so formal? Reduce the the severity by informalizing the speech of the characters or the narrator. For example, as soon as you start quoting Bible verses, the writing begins to come across much too formal and it may sound corny. Who are these characters who know the Bible by heart? We have a couple of choices. We can cut out the verses or we can find another way to reduce the corniness. Rather than have the characters sound like English majors, give them dialog that offsets the Bible verses with unlearned speech. Throw the words ain’t and y’all and nah in there a few places. Let me show you what I mean.

Version I

“Don’t ever be sorry about praying. God does some pretty amazing things because of the prayers of his saints.”

“Yes, but doesn’t the Holy Spirit stop drawing people if they reject him too long?”

“Yes,” Wayne said, “But I can’t help but think that God hasn’t given up if you’re still praying. He’s a lot more patient than any of us are. I see guys come down the aisle that I can’t help but wonder if God wouldn’t have already given up on them if it weren’t for a wife or a mother or daughter who’s still praying. You remember what James said about the effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man.”

“Yes, I remember.” Kim pointed at a paperweight on her desk with James 5:16 written on it. “But is that talking about praying for lost people?”

“No, not specifically,” Wayne said, “But the same God who hears our prayers saves sinners. And don’t forget that Paul prayed that Israel would be saved. Not all of them have been, but God hasn’t forgotten them.”

Version II

“Ain't no reason to be sorry about praying. God does some pretty amazing things because of the prayers of his saints.”

“Yes, but doesn’t the Holy Spirit stop drawing people if they reject him too long?”

“I see it that way,” Wayne said, “But I don't think God's given up if you’re still praying. He’s a lot more patient than any of us are. I see guys come down the aisle that I can’t help but wonder if God wouldn’t have already given up on them if it weren’t for a wife or a mother or daughter who’s still praying. You remember what James said about the effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man.”

“Yeah, I remember.” Kim pointed at a paperweight on her desk with James 5:16 written on it. “But is that talking about praying for lost people?”

“Nah,” Wayne said, “But the same God who hears our prayers saves sinners. And don’t forget that Paul prayed that Israel would be saved. Not all of them have been, but God hasn’t forgotten them.”

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