Xander X, P.I.: An Interview of Sorts

Editor’s Note: Today, we’re doing an interview with a private investigator. I originally asked him to write something for the blog, which he did, but it looked more like ad copy for his business then it did a blog post that any of you might be interested in. Incidentally, if you need a private investigator in St. Louis, Memphis or Chicago, you might want to call him, but I wouldn’t recommend it.

Timothy Fish:

Xander, thanks for agreeing to do this interview. I’m sure the readers will enjoy it.

Xander X:

I’m happy to do it. You did bring the money didn’t you?

Timothy Fish:

Yes, I brought the money. I’ll give it to you as soon as we’re done.

Xander X:

Good. You remembered I only take cash, didn’t you?

Timothy Fish:

I’ve got you covered. You can relax.

Xander X:

In that case, I’m happy to do the interview. It gives me great pleasure to give the readers what they want. After paying more than $100 for a book, they deserve something.

Timothy Fish:

They aren’t paying that much.

Xander X:

They aren’t? Then I’m not sure I want to do this interview.

Timothy Fish:

Sit down, Xander. You’ll get your money.

Xander X:

Okay then. What’s the first question?

Timothy Fish:

Tell us a little about what you do.

Xander X:

I’m a private investigator. Doesn’t that say it all?

Timothy Fish:

Yes, I suppose it does, but I was hoping you would tell us a little more. Maybe I should have worded that differently. Let’s come back to that one. Where is your office?

Xander X:

We operate in St. Louis, Memphis and Chicago.

Timothy Fish:

I know that’s where you operate, but where is your office?

Xander X:

I’m not so sure I want to answer that. You said that I wouldn’t have to tell people anything I don’t want them to know.

Timothy Fish:

True, but we’re all friends here. These people have either read the book or they’re going to.

Xander X:

That shows how much you know. You’ll be lucky if ten percent of these people buy the book. I could help you with that, if you would let me.

Timothy Fish:

Yeah, I know, but I’m not sure I like your tactics.

Xander X:

It’s all legal. Well, most of it anyway. Are you going to ask me some questions or what?

Timothy Fish:

What’s your real name?

Xander X:

Xander X

Timothy Fish:

But that isn’t the name you were given at birth.

Xander X:

No, but I changed it. Xander X is my legal name.

Timothy Fish:

Do you mind if I call you Bailey?

Xander X:

Call me what you like, but that isn’t my name.

Timothy Fish:

Wow! I figured that would get more of a rise out of you.

Xander X:

Next question, please. My rate is going up if we go over the hour.

Timothy Fish:

We’ll finish before then. I understand that you are a master of disguise. Tell us about your favorite disguise.

Xander X:

I have so many, it’s hard to pick a favorite. Right now, my favorite is probably the psychiatrist. I was using that one just the other day and this woman came right out and told me that she was cheating on her husband. Even told me who she was seeing.

Timothy Fish:

Is that what you do most of the time, check up cheating spouses?

Xander X:

We get our fair share of those. We’re good at it too. If someone wants to know if his or her spouse is cheating, I can answer that for them. Not only that, I can provide video, if they want it.

Timothy Fish:

As long as the batteries on the camera don’t fail.

Xander X:

You know, things happen. I would have gotten better footage for the client you’re thinking about, if she hadn’t been in such a hurry. I would have gone back, replaced the battery and we would have been in business.

Timothy Fish:

What other things do you investigate?

Xander X:

I investigated a suspicious death the other day. Weren’t you going to put that in a book?

Timothy Fish:

It isn’t published yet, but yes.

Xander X:

So, it might be better if we don’t talk about it.

Timothy Fish:

That’s right.

Xander X:

Have I answered enough questions to get my money yet? I’ve got a meeting with a client that I have to get ready for.

Timothy Fish:

Yeah, sure. You’ve given me plenty. Thanks for answering my questions.

Xander X:

Can I give them my contact information, in case they need a private investigator?

Timothy Fish:

No, I think not.

Xander X:

They can look me up then. It’s been a pleasure doing business with you.

Editor’s Note: If you have any questions for Xander, please feel free to ask them in the comment section. Xander will be checking in from time to time to answer your questions. Or, knowing Xander, he will rig up some kind of machine to do it for him, but you'll be getting an answer of some kind, one way or the other, and it might even be the right answer.

Xander made his debut appearance in For the Love of a Devil as a minor character. Given his scene stealing nature, he may be showing up in more books in the future, but don’t tell him I said that. I wouldn’t want it to go to his head.